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I have a big decision to make that I can’t really talk about. I know, I know: way to be vague, Candice. I promise that I will share the details as soon as I can. In the meantime, I ponder.
Well, that’s not true, I know exactly what I’m going to do, I just need to convince myself that it’s really the right answer. And sadly, it doesn’t involve whether I should quit my day job to be a full-time writer. Maybe soon, though.
It’s a decision fraught with emotion that’s been sapping away my energy for writing and has made me second-guess everything that I thought I knew about myself, everything that I thought I knew, and everything that I desire. And that’s hard too: to try and re-recognize what you really want and what’s really important. And it definitely hasn’t been easy: that’s why I’ve been so quiet lately, and making so little progress on the writing front.
But soon, things will be settled again, and I will start to become productive. And hopefully that will happen sometime before November! I do know that, as I come closer to actually making the decision, that the overwhelming uncertainty that I have been feeling is starting to subside, only to be replaced with grief at the things I will be losing.
I need to do what’s right for me, I know that. But what’s right for me isn’t necessarily the easy thing. In fact, this decision is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do. And I’ve had to do a lot of difficult things in the last couple of years.
I hope that you’ll all cross your fingers for me and wish me luck and strength as I make this choice.
How do you process difficult choices?